


How you doin'?

by Julia (yeahImprettyawesome)



Category: Friends (TV), Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Crack, Friends(sort of), I'm Sorry, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-19 01:57:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3591978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeahImprettyawesome/pseuds/Julia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why is Justin using shitty pick up lines? Why are Mel and Lindsay calling him Ross? And who the FUCK is this Chandler guy Justin seems to be in love with?</p>
            </blockquote>





	How you doin'?

**Author's Note:**

> This had to be done. Because I believe that half of the B/J angst can be avoided if they watch FRIENDS. FRIENDS is the answer to everything. Set in early season 5 because nothing hurts then. Also I have no idea what's written on the DVD cover of friends so I just made that up. Hope nobody minds! :)
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own anything. If I did QAF and FRIENDS would still be running.

  
Brian returned to the loft in the mood for a good, hard fuck. Nothing to relieve the stress of a bad day at work like a piece of blond boy ass. So, when he opened the door, he hoped to see Justin on the bed. Naked.  
Unfortunately, that was not to be and he found Justin sprawled on the sofa, watching TV, and not porn at that. It was some shit on NBC that featured het kissing so he wasn't inclined to find out.  
  
"Hey Sunshine, come to the shower."  
  
Justin started and turned.  
  
"Oh hey Brian!"  
  
  
"Who else? You coming?"  
  
Justin's answer was to throw off his shirt and drag Brian into the bathroom by his tie.  
\---  
Sprawled on the bed after an invigorating time in the shower, Brian was feeling much better and just on the edge of sleep when Justin raised his head from Brian's chest.  
  
"Brian?"  
  
"Hmm?" Through his nearly closed eyes, he could see Justin's lecherous grin.  
  
"How you doin'?" Justin said this with strange inflections that made it even more bewildering.  
  
"...What?"  
  
And then Justin giggled.  _Giggled_.  
  
"Oh, nothing" He said between chuckles. "Sleep."  
  
And thus, fearing for  ~~his boyfriend's~~  Justin's sanity, he did.  
\---  
Brian stopped short of knocking on the Munchers' door when he heard raised voices coming from the inside.  
  
"Mel, would you relax please?"  
  
"How can I? This seems like a small deal to you?"  
  
Brian sighed. It was too much drama for a Sunday morning. He wanted to see his son, but he didn't want to walk into a warzone so he waited for Lindsay to calm Melanie down to a manageable level of bitchy.  
  
"No, but we can discuss this later, can't we? When we're less swamped with everything? Besides, Brian's coming over."  
  
"Oh! Just what I need on top of all this shit! Brian fucking Kinney!"  
  
There was silence for a while. Then...was that chuckling? The sound grew louder until it could definitely be identified as laughter. Lindsay's. Apparently, Melanie was as baffled as he was because she asked "What? What's so funny?"  
  
"Oh no, you remember we were watching Friends yesterday?"  
  
"Yeah...?"  
  
"Doesn't this situation seem a bit familiar? You're Susan, I'm Carol, Gus is Ben and-"  
  
"And Brian's Ross! Oh my god, yes!" And now they were both laughing.  
  
Brian was pissed. Who were these friends they were talking about? He'd never heard of any of these people. Why was he being laughed at and compared to-Rick, was it? All these were questions he wanted answers to, but then he would have to admit to listening in and Melanie would get on his case even more than usual. He decided to let it go and knocked.  
\---  
"Oh God, I'm telling you, he's the funniest guy ever!" Brian heard Justin exclaim to the gang when he walked into the Diner.  
  
"Yes, I know!" Emmett agreed loudly.  
  
Brian ignored them and ordered his regular turkey sandwich with no mayo because, dammit, he was in need of some normality after these two batshit weird days.  
  
"I'm sorry; I don't have your sheep!" Ted said, and they all roared in laughter, even Zen Ben, who's so fucking calm all the time.  
  
_Three_  batshit weird days, then.

"Chandler really is the best." Justin rested his chin in his hands and sighed dreamily.  
  
"What kind of name is Chandler?" Brian asked  ~~spitefully,~~  joining them.  
  
"Brian! Don't be mean about him!" Justin was quick to defend his hero.  
  
Lindsay smiled indulgently. Brian didn't like that. It made him feel as old as Gus.  
  
"He's just one of the Friends." Again with these mysterious friends.  
  
When Emmett and Justin began fanboying over Chandler and another guy named Joey, Brian decided that he'd had enough and left his half eaten sandwich behind along with some very confused people.  
  
"What's with him?" He could hear Em's pouty voice even as he closed the Diner's door behind him.  
\---  
"So, Brian, jewelry and precious metals are pretty hot these days, you should consider investing there for maximum profit-" Ted was explaining.  
  
Brian rolled his eyes; profit or not, jewelry wasn't his style. What was he going to do with diamond necklaces and platinum rings? Give them to Justin? Yeah, right.  
  
He rubbed his forehead. "Alright, that's enough for now. As scintillating this conversation is, we'll do this later. We're on a break, Theodore."  
  
Ted stopped abruptly and stared at Brian. He could see Ted's lips twitching.  
  
"What?" He demanded.  
  
"Oh, I just wanted to clarify- are we allowed to fuck other people while we're on a break or...?" Ted trailed off.  
  
_WHAT?!_  
  
"I have no idea what you're insinuating, Theodore; it seems you're going senile in your advanced years. Fuck whoever you want. Have you ever known me to care?"  
  
Ted gave him a strange look before saying "Uh, sure" and leaving as fast as he could.  
\---  
Cynthia stormed into Brian's office as if she was a woman possessed. Which she probably was, Brian thought.  
  
"Brian! I'm not dealing with your pissy shit right now! Half the office is scuttling about like cockroaches and the other half are hyperventilating and crying their eyes out in the restrooms! At this rate we won't have any employees left by evening! Do you know how many people I've had to talk out of resigning in the last hour alone?"  
  
Brian raised his eyebrows. "And this is my concern how?"  
  
Cynthia gave him a murderous look and her hand inched closer to the incredibly heavy crystal paperweight on Brian's desk.  
  
"What the fuck is wrong, Brian?"  
  
"...Nothing."  
  
"Is this 'nothing' enough reason to mentally scar your employees?"  
  
"Maybe.”  
  
"Brian-"  
  
"Fine! Then maybe you can tell me who the fuck is Chandler! And Joey! And Rick, no, Roy, I don't know, whatever the fuck his name is! And why suddenly everyone I know is head over heels these new 'friends' that they have!" Brian burst out and then noticed Cynthia was giving him the same look Ted did yesterday. And then she was laughing. Like everyone seemed to be doing around him lately. And she wasn't stopping. She laughed and laughed and laughed until Brian was very alarmed.  
  
"Cynthia! Are you alright?" He asked in near panic.  
  
"Yes, yes, I'm fine!" She spoke between peals of laughter. "It's just that-Oh. My. God- I can't believe this is what it was all about!" She managed to calm down after a while. "Wait here, I'll put you out of your misery." And she promptly walked out.  
  
She came back five minutes later and tossed a stack of DVDs on Brian's desk. "Knock yourself out." She grinned. "Oh and Brian, please don't torture company staff anymore." She called out as she left.  
  
Brian stared at the DVDs on his desk and picked one of them up. It was a picture of a group of people and the title read "F.R.I.E.N.D.S". He turned it around.  
  
" ** _Friends_**  is the story of six people- Joey, Rachel, Ross, Chandler, Monica and Pheobe- living in New York City chronicling their lives for 10 years. The show features...."  
  
Brian stopped reading.  
  
Oh.  
\---  
**EPILOGUE**  
Justin walked into the loft in high spirits after just having finished watching the third season at Emmett's. He was surprised to find Brian sitting in front of the TV-despite splurging on it, he'd never really seen Brian watch it, much less grinning while doing so.  
  
Brian noticed him and walked over. "Hey, Sunshine." He smiled and kissed Justin, which made Justin very happy until Brian pulled away.  
  
"You little shit." Brian spoke into his ear. "I began to think that Chandler was the new fiddler."  
  
Justin furrowed his brows. "But he's just-"  
  
"I know who he is  _now_ , but I couldn't know before I knew that Friends was a TV show and not a group of people that everyone except me had met."  
  
Justin grinned. "What? You really thought- this is  _gold_! This is why you were such an asshole all week? And I'd be upset about the fiddler remark if only it wasn't  _so damn funny_! Wait till I tell-" He continued laughing and walked towards the phone but two arms grabbed him from behind and pulled him back against Brian chest.  
  
"Later. For now, Sunshine, How you doin'?"  
  
And he melted against Brian. "Fuck. That really  _is_  hot."  
  
"Mmhm." Brian nipped at his ear.  
  
"Brian..." He whimpered.  
  
"How many seasons have you watched?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Friends. How many seasons did you see?" Brian asked while licking at Justin's throat.  
  
"Uhh, three. But Brian, you really need to fuck me right-" He stopped as Brian pulled away.  
  
"Not now. I'm still watching the fifth episode. Feel free to join me on the couch, if you'd like."  
  
"Are you turning down  _sex_?"  
  
"Are you turning down  _Friends_?"  
  
Justin could only stare as Brian unpaused the video and Chandler began speaking once again. Fuck.


End file.
